Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I'm to old for this....

Today is going to be one of those days...
I thought when you raised your kids,they married ,and had kids.You would sit back and admire your grandkids...I was wrong.I never thought that the anger and depression that my daughter developed after the birth of her first child was really the first signs of a much worse problem.
I did know she wasn't ready to be a mother(age 19). She still wanted to run around with girlfriends and stay out all night.She married 4 days after her 18/th birthday(because i wouldn't sign for her 2 wks after she met him). Then she decided she wanted a baby.She got pregnant right away,and lost a set of twins when she was 3 months along.
Thes told her to wait before trying again,she didn't.8 months later she filed for divorce,2 monthes later she had Jon.It started out ok,but her and Jon could not bond.
At a month old I'd come in from work( I worked 2nd shift)I would get a screaming baby shoved at me,and a crying daughter would tell me' i'm going out". Sometimes she would come home before I had to go to work the next day,sometimes not.No surprise to me,Jon and I bonded.
My daughter spent less and less time at home,and Jon and I grew closer and closer.During this time it was a scramble to find a sitter if Tammy didn't come home, but we survived.It was during this time we became aware that she was using drugs,and was living with a man that was to become the father to 2 of her children.As long as we gave her money or whatever she wanted,she would stay away.If we refused,she would take Jon.He was the one getting hurt,he would cry till she brought him back.i'm not going into details but we filed a custody suit and won over a 2 yr period.
There are a lot of things people don't know about crystal meth,one is it causes permenant brain damage.It causes the lining around the brain to become thin,and it can't be fixed.It also causes what would be minor chemical imbalances to become major ones.That can't be fixed either.One knock on the head can become fatal,one bump can cause the lining around your brain to split.
Medication can help with mood swings or depressionTammy has become bypolar schicophrenic.
Even though she hasn't used drugs in over 5 yrs,the results are still with us.She can't stand crowds,driving scares her to death,she has panic attaches anywhere anytime.She can't work in public anymore.She has no control of her self and can't control her kids.She feels guilty because she can't take care of her kids,which makes her give in to them for the wrong things.(what little money she has would be spent on them and not pay her bills).She had to move away from here or she would be back on drugs..her so called friends are in very bad shape,some have died.She knew she had to leave and say gone,if she wanted to survive.She has no will-power she can't say know to anything.the friends she has now try to help her,shes 100miles away from here.She has a boyfriend in the same shape she is.But they are making it somehow.
Luci our granddaughter now is staying with us,we won't take custody away from Tammy,but we will do our best for Luci.She is happy here and likes being in a routine.Luci is very smart for her age,she has a hearing problem we are working on.
Now to what I was posting about...I took Luci for testing today for preschool. I think after watching all those kids run around....I'm getting too old to do this again.Till i look at Lucis shining eyes and her smile,and I know i'll do whatever it takes to keep Luci's and Jon's eyes smiling.
I love you kids. Mom


Diane said...

Hey, Sister. I tried to comment earlier but Demon Blogger wouldn't let me, and I'm not sure it'll let me this time, but here goes.

We both know that some decisions we make can have life-changing effects, sometimes years later on down the road. Drugs especially are that way. We both also can wish T. hadn't ever gotten into the drugs, but it's too late now, the damage is done. For now and the foreseeable future the kids are better off with you.

You'll never hear me say I won't raise my grandkids. There are too many things that can happen. I don't want to HAVE to raise them and I pray the Good Lord doesn't have that in store for me. But I know too that if He does allow that, He'll prepare and make a way, just like He is with you and your grandkids.

Completely off the subject, but I forgot to tell you that Ralph died Wednesday. I heard Ed having a fit and Lamar said he thought she was gone. I checked and she was in the nest, dead. Ralph was trying to get her to move, and he's still calling for her. I wonder how long he'll make it with her gone. Not long, I don't think.

I buried her in my iris bed.

Have a good weekend, Sister.

Love y'all...

green eyed girl on planet earth said...

Hello Donna and welcome to the wonderful world of BLOGGING :}

Us friends of your Sis Diane have read a great deal about you , (childhood things) she is wonderful friend that sis of yours ,I loves her to pieces !

You are a hard working woman with a heart of gold , those two children look happy and healthy ,they are beautiful . It must be hard at times ,I applaud you loudly , it is a wonderful thing you are doing ,you are giving two little lives a chance ,you are not only caring for them now , but helping them for the rest of their lives through your actions today .God Bless you and keep you strong, as well as your Grandbabies and Daughter . Thanks for sharing Donna, I look forward to chatting ,and reading you in the future .
Take care

zzop357 said...

Hey Diane thanks for dropping bye.I hope you visit a lot.Congrats on Having Emmy to join the family soon.Ihope I get to hold her too.I know I'll have to get in
Love you sister.

Big Mama said...

Your sister sent me this way, just wanted to say hi and welcome to blogging!

zzop357 said...

Hey Green Eyes, Thanks for coming over;)I'm just learning to do this so
don't expect me to run before I can Thanks for the nice welcome I look forward to getting to know all
the blogging people on here.Thanks for the warm welcome. Hope to be your friend....Donna

Tammy said...

So many grandparents are in the same boat!! Bless your heart!! My Hubby was raised by his grandparents and they did an awfully good job of it...I'm so proud of him and them!!
Hats off to You!!

PEA said...

Hi Donna:-) Such a sad story that unfortunately goes on all the time all over the world. Your grandchildren are indeed very lucky to have you in their lives, makes you cringe when you think what would happen to them if you didn't take them. I know it's hard to raise young children as you get older but how can one turn away a child in need. Hopefully your daughter can straighten out her life but it sounds like she still has a long road ahead of her. Thank you so much for sharing this!! Hugs xoxo

Mountain Mama said...

Hi. I found you at your sister Diane's. Welcome to the world of Blogdom.
I have 'met' some fine people here and I'm sure you will too.
I'm so sorry about your daughters trouble. I have a granddaughter in the same situation. Her folks are raising her three year old son and she is expecting a second child in a few months that they will also be raising. The daughter is getting her tubes tied. Thank God!
Many grandparents are raising their grandkids these days and the usual cause is the parents were or are still doing drugs.
You are doing a wonderful thing for your grandchildren. They will have a chance for a good life. The Lord will strengthen you for the job.
I'm adding you to my links and will be back again.

Mountain Mama said...

I wrote you a nice welcome and blogger ate it. BAD BOY!! I'll try again.
I found you at your sister's place and wanted to stop by and welcome you to the world of Blogdom.
I have made some wonderful friends in my two years of blogging and I'm sure you will too.
I am sorry about your daughters problems. My granddaughter is in the same situation and her folks are raising her child and will be raising the one due in March. It is such a heartbreak so see these young people being destroyed by the demon drugs.
I am adding you to my links and will be back to visit soon.
God Bless

Paulette said...

Hey Donna,
My name is Paulette. I am a fan of your sister Diane, just love that lady. I wanted to come by and say welcome to blogsville. There is such a great bunch of people here.
I am proud of you for what you are doing for your grandchildren. I know it must be hard but I know some of what you deal with as I have a friend who have gotten custody of her 3 grandchildren just recently as her daughter is a drug addict.
Just know what a difference you will make to those kids, safety and stability makes a huge difference to kids. Good for you and hubby.

kansasrose said...

Hi Donna, Welcome to the blogoverse...and thnaks for stoppin in on my blog today...As I have said to your beautiful sis Diane and now to YOU sweet lady YOU are THE best of the are the salt of the earth and I have enormous respect for women like you that are doing the right way with your children and grandchildren and being strong and giving them roots and a loving home...YOUR path is not an easy one now...but you are a hero. And someday your kin and those grandbabies and great grandbabies will rise up and call you BLESSED>>> God Bless You and Keep you safe and strong...

Sister said...

Hi Donna,
Welcome (I'm here by way of Diane's blog)!

zzop357 said...

Thank you Ladies for the warm wellcome.It means a lot to me.I hope ya'll come back again.It's amazing to me that we can leave messages and talk to each other instantly.When not too many years past it would have taken weeks to get the same message.
Thanks again for the visit,and come back anytime.

Lacey said...

Your little grandchildren are blessed to have you! :)

Anonymous said...

Howdy Hon,
You are doing a great job keep up the good work. By the way, the only way I can put a comment is to do it anonymously.

Barb said...

I don't think there's a one of us that wants to take on the second go-round of raising children, Donna. I also don't think there's a one of us that wouldn't do it if called upon.

You and I are about the same age so believe me, I know this can't be easy for you. Just physically, it's got to be hard.

The sadder thing here is your daughter's story. I'm so sorry her life went this way. I know it breaks your heart.

You're going to find a lot of support out here. Before you know it, you're going to find yourself encouraged and uplifted every time you sit down in front of your computer.

Again, welcome to blogging. It's very nice to have you here.

zzop357 said...

Thanks Barb,just talking about it helps.Whats sad is she quit the drugs but the damage is done,theres no changing that.I don't have to warn the babies about drugs,they see what they will do.Tammy will be on medication for the rest of her life,just to keep her sane.
She has straighted her life out,but what a life it is.At least she's still living.At least I'm grateful for that.

zzop357 said...

Lacey,Thank you for the kind words,and come back anytime. Idon't regret a minute of it.Kids and babies make the world go matter what their age:)

Anonymous said...

hello moma if i can reach one person by telling them that CRYSTAL METH can DESTROY YOU!!I some people thinks its cool and it scares me to death to know that Jon is about the same age that i was when i was turned on to drugs and its SCARY!!! it gets me that there is more and more young pregnacies there getting younger and younger,and reguards to everyone i will tell i am living proof,that I do love my kids very much i wish me and jon was alot closer and joshua too,like me and luci are,i moved away from here to get the old drug friends away not to be away from my family,i wish i could live in our home town but its never gonna change and where i live its so beautiful and i love the fact that the people dont judge for being human,and if anyone has any questions about the results of drug use or the signs of drug use ask me or my mom,and i do love my children alot more than people knows,i'm learning am i wrong for that?